Have you ever heard the phrase "it's a jeep thing - you wouldn't understand"? We own a jeep and I still don't understand. I don't often drive it but when I do there is one rule that I am required to follow ~ if another jeep drives by I have to do the jeep wave. This is not an option. Brian does not want his jeep getting a bad reputation. So, if I'm driving down the road and a jeep is coming towards me I must do the jeep wave. Even if it is man driving the other jeep. I'm required to wave to at men that I don't know because my husband told me to. There are just some things that I will never understand.
A few years ago I had a "God thing" that I didn't understand. I had experienced a very real dream and could remember every detail when I woke up but I had no idea what it meant.
In my dream I was in a church with all our friends and family. Brian and I were going to renew our vows and I was so excited. I was all dressed up in my wedding gown and as I walked into the sanctuary I noticed that everyone else was walking around in blue jeans and t-shirts. No one was paying attention to me and I was so frustrated. I kept asking people "why aren't you ready yet"? I couldn't figure out why I was the only one dressed and ready to go - why wasn't anyone else taking this seriously?
I turned towards a window and saw Jesus - he came floating in and had stopped in front of me. It felt like time was standing still and it was just us - everything else had faded away. He was looking at me with such an intensity in his eyes. He raised his arm and began to reach towards me with the palm of his hand. I lifted my arm up and our hands connected. There was a powerful connection for just a few seconds before he began to pull away. I remember feeling frightened and thinking "no, don't leave me". I didn't want that connection or peaceful feeling to end. He looked at me then as if to say "it's okay, I'm coming again soon, go let them know" and with that he floated away. And I woke up.
I emailed my sister and explained my dream to her. She is very wise and I knew that she would be able to understand what it meant. I don't think it was very long after I sent her the email before she called me - she understood couldn't wait to tell me.
She believed that I was wearing my wedding dress because I was dressed as Christ's bride and this represented that I was ready for His return. Everyone else was running around, not paying attention, not ready, not prepared. She thought Jesus was telling me - you get it, you're ready but so many others are not - go and let them know - I am coming again soon! That was a lot to take in. Me? Small, little, insignificant me - he wanted me to do this? I just didn't understand.
Here's the other part I don't understand though - how could I have forgotten that dream? A God moment that powerful and it had been pushed way into the back of my memory. I have had many God moments over the past few years and sadly enough I have forgotten about them as well. They make such a huge impact on me at the time and then in the busyness of life they take a back seat until they slip into to the back of my mind.
I'm in the middle of another "God thing" right now and it is powerful, exciting and so very scary all at the same time ~ but that is the topic for another post. For now I'm focusing on this ~ "It's a God thing ~ I don't understand ~ but I'm trying to"
As I was searching the biblegateway website for the word "understand" I found these verses from Matthew where Jesus is explaining the parable of the sower (taken from The Message).
"Study this story of the farmer planting seed. When anyone hears news of the kingdom and doesn't take it in, it just remains on the surface, and so the Evil One comes along and plucks it right out of that person's heart. This is the seed the farmer scatters on the road.
"The seed cast in the gravel ~ this is the person who hears and instantly responds with enthusiasm. But there is no soil of character, and so when the emotions wear off and some difficulty arrives, there is nothing to show for it.
"The seed cast in the weeds is the person who hears the kingdom news, but weeds of worry and illusions about getting more and wanting everything under the sun strangle what was heard, and nothing comes of it.
"The seed cast on good earth is the person who hears and takes in the News, and then produces a harvest beyond his wildest dreams." Matthew 13:18-23
Because I was raised in a Christian home I don't know that I have really been the "road". I have been the "gravel" and I have been the "weeds". Right now I want to be the good earth ~ to produce a harvest beyond my wildest dreams!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010: No Matter What
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
I have always loved this verse. Whenever I was unsure about my future it would comfort me and remind me not to worry, that God has it all under control and He will guide me in the right direction.
As I was reading this verse the other day I "heard" it in a completely different way. And to be honest, it scared me. God is asking us to trust Him ~ not just "yes God, I trust you" but "I trust you completely - not just in some areas of my life - but in every area of my life" . And that's not all. He asks us to trust Him with all of our heart. Not just some - all of it.
And then there is the "lean not on your own understanding". This past weekend reality smacked me right between the eyes. I have cancer. Statistically speaking I will not survive this cancer. You would think after dealing with this for almost four years now it wouldn't hit me as such a shock. But it does. When this happens I try to take control of my life. I beg, plead and rationalize with God about what I want to happen. This time He reminded me "lean not on your own understanding".
My response was that I want to understand ~ help me to understand ~ why??? Deep down I already knew the answer. I'm not supposed to understand. There are some things in this life that we will never understand. That is why the verse starts by asking us to trust Him with all our heart ~ because He knows that our small earthly minds are not able to comprehend His plans for us.
For the past couple weeks the song No Matter What by Kerrie Roberts has been going through my head ~ especially the chorus ~
No matter what, I’m gonna love You ~ no matter what I’m gonna need You
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not ~ I’ll trust You ~ no matter what.
That sums it all up for me. I may not always understand or even agree with the plans God has for me, but I will love Him, need Him and trust Him. No matter what.
I have always loved this verse. Whenever I was unsure about my future it would comfort me and remind me not to worry, that God has it all under control and He will guide me in the right direction.
As I was reading this verse the other day I "heard" it in a completely different way. And to be honest, it scared me. God is asking us to trust Him ~ not just "yes God, I trust you" but "I trust you completely - not just in some areas of my life - but in every area of my life" . And that's not all. He asks us to trust Him with all of our heart. Not just some - all of it.
And then there is the "lean not on your own understanding". This past weekend reality smacked me right between the eyes. I have cancer. Statistically speaking I will not survive this cancer. You would think after dealing with this for almost four years now it wouldn't hit me as such a shock. But it does. When this happens I try to take control of my life. I beg, plead and rationalize with God about what I want to happen. This time He reminded me "lean not on your own understanding".
My response was that I want to understand ~ help me to understand ~ why??? Deep down I already knew the answer. I'm not supposed to understand. There are some things in this life that we will never understand. That is why the verse starts by asking us to trust Him with all our heart ~ because He knows that our small earthly minds are not able to comprehend His plans for us.
For the past couple weeks the song No Matter What by Kerrie Roberts has been going through my head ~ especially the chorus ~
No matter what, I’m gonna love You ~ no matter what I’m gonna need You
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not ~ I’ll trust You ~ no matter what.
That sums it all up for me. I may not always understand or even agree with the plans God has for me, but I will love Him, need Him and trust Him. No matter what.
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