Sunday, August 22, 2010: A New Journey . . .

About a month ago I was visiting a neighbor that was in the hospital. She had battled cancer 4 1/2 years ago and now it was back. And it was bad. Although I didn't know her very well we had a connection - the cancer connection. When she talked to me she would often stop and say "you understand" and I would smile and say "yes, I do". Cancer brings ugly moments to our lives. Talking about these moments with someone who has "been there, done that" helps. It reminds that we are not alone. And we know that they understand. All too well.

I really didn't know much about Liz but the one thing I did know was that she said it like it was. She wasn't afraid to share her opinion with you. Although I respected this about her ~ it also intimidated me. I was afraid that if I shared something that she didn't agree with she may yell at me. Well, she wouldn't yell at me ~ she would simply state why she didn't agree with me but in my mind she would be telling me that I was wrong. And there would be conflict. I hate conflict. Yes, I have issues, but that is an entirely different story.

So, when God prompted me to share some bible verses with her at the hospital I was really nervous. During a previous visit she had told me that although she knew how important my faith was to me she wasn't in that same place. It was clear that she didn't want me to talk about anything "religious" but that she just needed someone to listen. So that's what I did.

On the way to the hospital my heart was pounding. I knew God wanted me to read her the verses but I was afraid that I was going to upset her or that I would chicken out. Thankfully, I didn't. At the end of our visit I asked her if it would be okay if I read her a couple verses from the bible. She smiled and said "yes". Phew!! The verses that I shared with her are from Romans 10:

That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. (Verse 9)

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" (Verse 14-15)

After I read the verses I told Liz that God had put it on my heart to read those verses to her. I wanted her to know the good news of salvation and that God wanted my 'beautiful feet' to be the ones to bring this good news to her.

I didn't realize it then but He didn't just want her to hear those verses ~ He wanted me to hear them as well. It would take me another month or so to figure all this out. A month with a lot of thinking, praying, denying, tears, acceptance and a great big "a ha!" moment.

I have been to four funerals in the past four months. Funerals are such a vivid reminder of how temporary our lives are. Instead of letting these funerals remind me of this and how important it is to share the good news I let the enemy use them to get inside my head and my heart. I gave up, I shut down, I figured "what's the point?" I could hear God calling me, especially through music, but I just tuned out. God wouldn't give up on me though - He just kept chipping away at the wall that I had put up.

I have finally taken my ear plugs out and I am listening. My wall has been taken down but I know it is still close by ready to be pulled around me like a security blanket. If only my earthly mind could comprehend how much better it is to be wrapped in God's love.

I started this blog as a place to share the "good news" and what God is teaching me. My life is messy but being a Christian and following God can be a messy thing. Today I choose to be the hands and feet of Jesus - my hands to type and my feet to bring good news. I'm not sure where God is leading me with this but I know a new journey has begun. I'm not naive - I know there are struggles ahead. Lots of struggles. But, the final battle has already been won.

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

"But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourself fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:57-58